Emotional Vunerability

For so many years I tried to hide my true self to others out of a desparate need of wanting to appear perfect. Yet it was my imperfections that shined brighter than anything. I wrote numerous journal entries to myself —  reminding me of who I REALLY am and the person I AM supposed to be. I am emotionally vunerable right now. An inspirational/motivational woman who did not have the guts to believe in her own self. I don’t beat myself over the head for it, but I also realize it is a very big part of who I was and what I am NOW moving from. I am not where I used to be — but I am NOT where I want to be either. I have friends who are HIV positive and I hear about how they have to “disclose their status to their potential partners.” I feel the same about my future relationship. In my next relationship, I will tell HIM ….I suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder and Passive Aggressive Disorder, which at times will make me fear abandonment and push myself esteem into the ground. I will follow it with…. I can’t make any promises from day to day, but I am working on being a better me — so I can be a better friend/lover/companion for you and others.
We fear emotional vunerability because it puts in the heart of our weaknesses. When we flow past our fears something happens to the negativity engrained in our brilliant minds — it dissipates. It goes away! I don’t know what the future holds, but I am praying for greener grass. Day by day — this walk will get easier. My bags are packed and I’m headed to other side of the fence.

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