In returning to Cleveland, I have found that the most profound thing I could have done was view “Sherita” for the person I used to be compared with the woman I am growing into. I still see a residue of the person I used to be and it is painful. She is a very ugly person.
If you have ever wondered why people laugh at the idea of getting to know themselves — you will find they are internally crying inside. Facing yourself is painful. To REALLY know who you are requires a hard and very honest look at your imperfections, flaws and deceptive ways. You have to admit to yourself that REALLY no one can define a person who doesn’t know who they are. In the past, I searched for people to love me and care about the struggles I had to endure as a young professional, a journalist, a writer, a speaker, a mother and a wife. I wanted people to truly get that even though I did some horrible things and manipulated people to make it seem like I was the greatest person in the world — that in essence I really had no clue how to just be transparent and say how I felt. If I was broke — be strong enough to admit it. If all I wanted was affection — to reach out and say that as well.
For some reason, I had it stuck in the back of my mind that I could not be “Just Sherita.” There had to be fan fare behind it. I had to be driving a big truck, have a fancy house, have obedient kids and life would be just great. In the meantime, my jealousy, envy and pride nearly took out everyone that I loved, trusted and respected.
People, being strong sometimes means having to say you are not perfect and you have done things in the past that could have caused someone’s life to truly be changed (for good/bad). I am not saying that I am just this horrible person who seeks to ruin people’s lives. I admit that I am a person who has made a lot of relationship mistakes in the past because I did not know me. I did not understand my agenda. I had no plan. My feelings led the way. There was no foundation. In essence, it ruined everything I loved.
Learn from my mistakes. Be honest about the person you are and are meant to be. Don’t waste time trying to fool yourself in to being or believing a twisted fantasy. The lesson: Friendship and Love is free and unconditional. The best friend a person could have is Jesus Christ. He is the only entity brave enough to show me the best and worse parts of me to make me a much better person for you.
Have A Blessed Day…