I love to read and watch documentaries. I never understood why until 5:32 a.m. this morning. The Human Stain is God’s perfected art. For so long, I have had issues with not being able to go forward and claim my space in the universe and just be me. I knew there was something inside of me that wanted to be unleashed, but I did not feel I was capable enough to accomplish anything — besides: who am I? I realized I was a grown little girl who was a victim of childhood rape. I was promiscuous. I was needy and wanted attention. I feared success because I was uncertain of what it would mean if I achieved it. It was safe for me to hang on to my victimhood and allow my self to be continuously raped of my goals. Raped of my dreams. Raped of my aspirations. I was the ONLY one going through this and NOBODY in the world could understand my plight. Woe is me!
I asked God to open my eyes and something happened. I found that the people I most admired or have read extensively about are cut from the same cloth . Mary J. Blige: Victim of Childhood Rape and Fear of Success, Oprah Winfrey: Victim of Childhood Rape, Molestation, Maya Angelou: Victim of Childhood Abuse and Rape, Karrine Stephens (Superhead): Victim of Childhood Rape and Molestation, Iylana Vanzant: Childhood Neglect, Abuse — the list goes on. Do you ever wonder why you are so drawn to these people? Do you ever question why you cry when they read poetry, sing a song, make a declaration or share their story. Nothing touches you unless it directly affects you. They tell your story. They told mine.
The list is very extensive, but this should give an accurate view of what I am talking about. These women are highly revered and successful — but they went through a great deal of pain and found a way to weasel through the cracks of life and use their pain as an anecdote to success (life in purpose).
At first, I was taken back by the number of people who simply went through some very troubling childhoods/backgrounds. When we look at these people we don’t see their scars. We see wealth, status, prestige. It is funny that we never take a second to take a hard look at the people we admire. God is so awesome that allowed the same thing to happen to several million people just to show us that no one is exempt from the havoc of this earth. These trials are meant to take us out. A lot of the women I mentioned suffered a great deal of anxiety, depression, promiscuity, isolation, and/or abuse (physical/emotional) from former lovers. Many of them also drowned themselves in their careers to gut out the pain of the past. Others sought refuge through drugs, alcohol, overeating/under eating, excessive lovers, etc… We don’t talk about these things. Society says, let’s just concentrate on their wealth — that is all you need to know. That ideology is far from the truth.
To all of the victims of bad childhoods who have overcome great adversity — I salute you. I am your sister. I too will join you and tell my story, reveal my scar and encourage my successors to do the same.
Have A Blessed Day…. Sherita